Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
