My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
