Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize