Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize