we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I could make wine with my vomit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
