New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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