You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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