He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
