HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
