we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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