Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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