Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bring me that man meat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
