That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
