Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
