Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
