Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
