Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize