Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have feelings that need drinking.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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