In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
