You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
