I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
