All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
