OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Jerry, you need to find god
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
