its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
