I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
