You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
