Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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