we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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