i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
