she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize