i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
