So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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