I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
