every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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