everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
please come you make the beer taste better
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
