Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
