I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize