Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
