ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
