Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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