Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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