i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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