Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
