hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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