I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
