you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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