Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
