Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
