the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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