Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
