nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
