I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
