so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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