oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
