I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
