my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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