clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
