You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
