so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
