Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
