I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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