im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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