listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize