STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
